User blog: Alan Dowson
I was just thinking that too much of my interactions with women come from a “let me see if she’ll let me” standpoint.
Meaning when I go to hold a chicks hand while we’re walking, I’m usually thinking “let’s see if she’ll let me hold her hand…. oh shit! She did! She let me!”
The same with the first kiss…
The first ass grab…
The first bra removal….
The initial insertion…
I’m always thinking “will she let me do this?” And then I either get giddy inside or disappointed based on whether she “lets me” or not.
I can’t help but to think that this is a bad frame to be in.
I’m pretty sure, the hotter the girl or the bigger the crush I have on her, the more likely I approach from a “I’m going to do this and see if she lets me” type of frame.
When it comes to 6′s, I could give a fuck what they let me do, I run the show.
There it is. By acting out of a “will she let me?” Frame, I’m allowing her to have to much control. In fact, I’m giving her control of the interaction.
This is what I really don’t understand about kino and the way its mainly taught in game. In seems that its generally taught from this sort of mentality.
I think this is probably the biggest issue with my push/pull game when it comes to hot chicks. I’m always trying to see “what I can get away with” and when I try for something and get it I’m too busy subconsciously running a victory lap to be pushing to go with my pulling.
I feel like I’m the retarded kid who always strikes out, but then out shear luck winds up hitting his first home run and is too busy standing there in shock, awe, and euphoria to realize he still has to run the bases.
Actually, bad example. Even that kid still scores….
My boy Angelsin has been helping me with my day game lately. I’ll speak more on that later though…
Anyway, I head to the mall to try to approach using indirect openers, since that was my mission for the day (from Angelsin).
I get to the mall and in the parking lot, I’m already feeling the nervousness, the anxiety, the AA as you all call it….
Willy Wonka, grow some balls and go in there!!!
I go into the mall. As I’m walking, the first cute chick I see walks out of a nearby store ahead of me and starts walking my way. I have my openers prepared, I know what to say, but I’m ready to chicken out. Fuck it, just get the next chick…..
No! That’s the kind of mindset that keeps me from approaching… Stop being a bitch, Willy Wonka! Just stop her and say a damn opener!!
“Hey excuse me…” She stops.
I deliver an indirect opener I got out of a recent Roosh V newsletter, ”Do you know of any good bars around here to go to for happy hour?”
“Um… [restaurant] is right across the street. They have happy hour from like 3:30 to 9:00, I think.”
“Naw, not [restaurant], anything else?”
“Let me think….. um…. no, I don’t know of anything else…” She starts to turn to walk away.
“Oh okay. Well, I’m actually not even looking for a bar, I was just using that as an excuse to come say ‘hi’ to you.” My frame is strong.
“Oh,” smiles, laughs, “Well.. ‘hi!’” Waves at me and giggles.
I’m about to walk off, then I turn back towards her… “Yeah, so what are you doing, just wandering around the mall?”
“No, I’m about to leave the mall actually.”
“What? Your hands are empty!!” I point to her hands and do some “what the fuck?” arm motions with my arms, “You’re already about to leave? You didn’t even buy anything?!?”
She laughs, “Yeah, well, I used to work up here at [store]… [blah blah blah...some story for why she's at the mall..]”
We walk and talk for a while until we get to the end of the mall. Then we kind of stop… and just stand there, talking.
Then I ask her, “So what are you about to get into?”
“I’m about to go home and take a nap. After that, I’m not sure…nothing really, I guess…”
For some reason, when she says “nothing really, I guess…” I get all nervous inside of me again. Do I ask her on a date tonight??!? Do I try to insta-date her right now? I just fumble… and pull out my phone, which my nervous ass almost drops because my hands are shaking so much. Am, I really about to number close the first chick I approached today? How is it this easy?!? It’s not supposed to be this easy!!
“Oh okay, well here, give me your number, I’ll holla at you later then.” I fumble with the keyguard on my phone like 5 times with my nervous, shaky hands.. .then, I eventually get it and she gives me her number. I call her so she has my number as well, and we exchange names (lol, we talked that whole time without knowing each other’s names).
Then, I walk off. On cloud fucking 9…
I just number closed, I just number closed!!!
I’m like a fucking kid in a candy store. Or a hippie on acid. One or the other, I’m not sure which. I’m grinning from ear to ear like a retard and am so stoked I probably miss a couple more opportunities to approach before I decide to come back down to reality.
Eventually, I do approach again, but I don’t transition well and eject on that set. I leave this mall to head to another mall and I approach a couple of times over there as well. While I’m at this other mall, I get a text….. I look down, it’s the first chick from today, she said “Hey”.
I play it cool, wait it out 15 minutes, then respond back, “Hey Wassup”
“Nothing just waking up not too long ago”
At this point, I’m really starting to think same day lay. Now, I know I should’ve asked her out when she hit me with that whole “after I take a nap….. I’m not doing anything really….” shit. I sit down in the mall and try to look up bars to meet her at, I’m definitely thinking I can get her out tonight for a date and a possible same day lay situation.
Then…. you guessed it…. my fucking phone dies!! Damn you, Evo!! Why must you always attempt to cockblock me?!?
My car charger broke, but I do have my laptop and my USB cable in my car, so I head back to the parking lot to recharge it by plugging it into my laptop.
I sit in the parking lot a bit and get my phone back on, I text her back a very subtle neg, just to buy some time really…. “That’s wassup. You got you some beauty sleep?”
I say this is a subtle neg, because it’s meant (at least in my mind) to make a girl wonder…. is he calling me beautiful? or is he saying I could use some beauty sleep, like I need it? Can’t be too sure about what I meant…
She texts me back, “Lol yeah and it wasnt nothing else to do”
She took a nap because “it wasnt nothing else to do”??? Yeah, I probably could’ve insta-dated her….. Dumbass!!
I text my boy Fiasco to see if there’s any bars around our little “Bang Garage” (Yes, it’s a garage we bang girls in… don’t question it… we both live with our parents…)
He writes me back and says “Nope”. Damn. I try to think of something/look up stuff on the internet. I know there’s a Mexican restaurant not too far from there… maybe they have alcohol. I call them…. “Do y’all have a bar?” They don’t know what the fuck I’m trying to say. I just hang up. I call one of their other locations. Luckily the lady that answers the phone here speaks English. Yes, they serve liquor, yes, they have a bar. Cool. If they do, surely the other location does as well.
I text the chick back, “Lol I feel that. You should come chill with me…. meet me at Jose’s (fake name for the blog) for a drink at 9:00″
Her: ”Which one? What side of town you stay on?”
Me: ”The one on [intersection]. I stay on the [North/South/East/West] Side….”
Her: ”Oh ok well I’ll see whats up. you stay near [highway]?”
Wait…. what?!? “Oh ok well I’ll see whats up”?? What the fuck does that mean?
Me: ”Yeah… not too far…”
Her: ”Oh ok”
No wait… 20 minutes later, she texts me again…. “So what do you do”
Damn, I hate that question. Especially over text, because I can’t even elaborate. I’m not about to send a 5 page text just give a whole spiel, and I’m not about just say “Unemployed” either…. so, I get smart with her…
Me: “Lol, you tryin to interview me over texts now?”
Her: ”Lol well I guess if you wanna call it that I was just tryin to get to know you”
Me: ”You could just come to jose’s and get to know me like a normal person”
Her: ”Well thats true”
Again… what the fuck?!? ”Well thats true”?!?! Bitch, you’re either meeting me for a drink or you’re not… what is this… “I’ll see whats up”, “Well thats true” crap? Looks like I’m done…. No same day lay for me.
I respond with, “Lol. You so silly. It was nice meeting you today, kinda random….”
I tried to do two things here… hit her with the “well, it was nice meeting you..” line to make her unsure about is he done with me, will I hear from him again? And also the “kinda random” was basically reversing the frame. I figured maybe she’s having second thoughts about hanging out with me because it seems so random to just meet a guy in the mall and then wind up hanging out with him, so I tried to flip it by saying it was random to me too….
She responds back, “Yeah it was nice meeting you too hopefully you keep in touch I guess only if you want to”
I don’t respond. I figure that’s a solid ending point for today.
So, I hit up one of my boys to go to happy hour a couple weeks ago. We meet up and chill and have a couple of beers, just him and I.
Dude is 10 years older than me, but we used to work together and we’re boys. I see him as a player, I know he can get a lot of girls, because whenever I’m out with him, he always seems to be talking to girls and have them interested in him so easily. And, he’s real laid back with it to, not aggressive like I am. I don’t really know how it does so well, but I think the fact that he’s 6’3″ helps him out a lot.
But anyway, we were out and we were talking about these chicks and shit. He’s always congratulating me on the chicks I pick up or go on dates with and shit. I mean, he’s been with me to see me pick up a few chicks and he’s seen pictures on my phone of a few others, so he knows what kind of quality I pull. He’s always saying shit like “we like the same kind of girls.”
Like, I said, dude is legit. He was once engaged to a model chick. He’s banged a few strippers, etc, etc. I respect his game and his take on women. So, this time I was complaining about the chicks I’ve been fucking with and how these chicks will go so far with me but then not give up the pussy and all this other bullshit. I ask him what am I doing wrong.
He looks at me confused and says, “man, I don’t know. Honestly, you’re asking the wrong guy. For every chick I’ve banged, there’s probably like 10 I feel like I should have banged, but fucked it up somehow. I fucked 46 girls in my life, which when I think about it, that’s means I should’ve fucked 460 girls by now, but I fucked it up with most of them. I’m just a fuck up, bro. You’re asking the wrong person.”
Damn. I think about all my missed opportunities…. yeah, I’m running at about a 1:10 ratio myself.
My facebook and twitter is full of chicks I feel like I should’ve fucked. It’s a lot more of them than it is chicks I actually have fucked. I also think the problem is, I don’t think about chicks I have fucked, they never cross my mind or bother me, cuz I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. But, I still occasionally go to Spaghetti‘s facebook page (and others) and look at her pictures and wonder “what ifs” or “could’ve/would’ve/should’ve”s. I think about girls from the past that I feel like I had a chance with but didn’t get it way more than chicks that I have fucked ever cross my mind.
But, after hearing my boy say this, a dude I thought was a player, a dude I thought banged a lot of bad bitches, was a wake up call. If even the dudes that do get a lot of pussy are striking out more than they’re hitting home runs, then I guess that’s just part of stepping up to the plate.
I guess there will always be bitches I feel like I should’ve fucked, but didn’t. Gotta learn to not sweat that shit too much….Related Content:
I know several bloggers have posted on the flakiness of girls already, but it’s so annoying I just had to say something else.
One thing I’ve noticed lately is I hate when girls say shit along the lines of “I’ll call you back in 10 min” or “I’ll call you tomorrow” or anything along those lines.
Because…. they never do it.
This has been the case forever. I remember in high school when I had a big crush on our homecoming queen and me and her started talking. We’d talk on the phone almost every night, and a lot times there’d be another call or something and it’d be like, “Hold on, this call is for my mom, so I need to give her the phone, but I’ll call you back in like 30 minutes, okay?”
And, she’d rarely call back…. like one in five times. That shit used to piss me off so much back then, I swear I used to deleter her number out of my phone like once or twice a week.
Even girls I’m not interested in, just platonic friends do this type of shit to me to. ”Hold on, I got another call, I’m a call you back in like 10 minutes, okay?”…. and then I don’t hear from them for 3 days.
I’ve since learned to take a girl saying, “I’m going to call you back” with a grain of salt and a mental note to just wait a few days before I hit her up again.
This is something I really don’t know how to counteract, I’d really rather girls just not say it to me.
This is why it’s better as a guy to be the one to get off the phone first and hit her with a “I’ll call you later”…. later doesn’t necessarily mean tonight or even tomorrow.. it just means later, so you leave it vague and open.
I try to do this, but inevitably, I can’t always be the one getting off the phone first. That’s almost impossible. Every chick is going to have a friend or sister or somebody call her at some point in the middle of your conversation if you talk to her long enough. Every chick is going to say at some point, “This is my sister, can I call you back in 10 minutes?”
Is there another answer to that question other than, “alright”?
On the flip side to that, I was on the phone last night with the new cute chick from Saturday. She called me and it was just a quick call because I was on my way out the door and she said, “Oh okay, I’ll let you go then, what time do you get off work tomorrow?”
“Shit, it depends, probably around 6 or 7 though, what’s up?”
“Okay, well just give me a call tomorrow when you get off work.”
…. Wait… wtf? This chick just told me when to call her and I agreed to it. I’ve known you for a week, how are you going to tell me when to call you? I’m not too happy about this. Part of me wants to call her when I get off work today just to be a man of my word, because I did say I would, but then the other part of me is saying fuck that, it’s Friday, just wait and hit her up Sunday evening or something. I don’t know what to do. Why should I call her when I said I would if she didn’t call me when she said she would the other night?
Anyway, I just hate the whole making times to call bullshit, don’t tell me you’re going to call me on a specific day, and especially at a specific time when chances are you’re probably not going to do it, and I’ll do the same. I just say, “I’ll call you later” or “I’ll call you back” and never tell you when, but I will… maybe in a few days, maybe later that night, maybe next week – don’t worry about it – if I tell you I’ll call, I’ll call. I’m a man, I can keep my word.